Mitt Romney Cuts Federal Budget By Killing Big Bird – Feeds Hungry on Thanksgiving

News From 2016 – Reported Now!

[Editor’s Note:  This is part of a series of news reports from the year 2016 based on Mitt Romney winning the Presidency and Republicans Taking control of the Senate and retaining control of the House.  These stories are not a predictions of what will happen, but they are indications of what could happen.  That in itself should be scary enough.]

President Romney Fulfills Campaign Promise

By Axing Large Yellow Fowl   - Eliminates Millions from

$2 Trillion Deficit

Washington (UP.) November 27, 2016.   In a photo op designed to celebrate his re-election President Romney today invited PBS star Big Bird to the White House where the President promptly took an ax to the creature and rendered it only fit for Thanksgiving dinner.  The act fulfilled a campaign promise made in 2012 when then candidate Romney said he would balance the federal budget and identified Federal support for PBS as an area he would axe.

At the time most voters felt that when Mr. Romney said ‘axe’ he was talking figuratively, but Mr. Romney said no, he meant what he said.  “All of the woes of the Federal deficit have been caused by federal subsidies of PBS, which amount to almost $325 million dollars out of a budget of $3.5 trillion” said the President, “and so it was obvious that reduce our current deficit, now grown to $2.1 trillion a year because of tax cuts that Big Bird had to go”.

Reporters tried to ask the President how cutting a small fraction of one percent of federal spending would fix the deficit, but the President just said people that ask those kinds of questions are obviously just the liberal loving main stream media, and that anyone who understood business as he did would know that this was the best way to balance the budget.

When asked about the deficit, which has doubled since Mr. Romney took office he said that this is what he inherited from President Obama and that “If Mr. Obama had balanced the budget then my additional $1 trillion in deficit creation would only have brought the nation to the level that George W. Bush had when he left office.  Clearly the problem is all Mr. Obama’s”, the President said. 

In a related story Elmo and the Cookie Monster were reported to be seeking asylum in Canada.