Republicans in Ecstasy Over Barriers to Health Care Insurance for Millions, Moving on to Blocking Nutrition Aid for Low Income People and Children

News That Didn’t Happen – But Probably Did

The following is a news report that did not occur.

Washington – November 1, 2013 (UPS)  The Republican Joint Committee of the House and Senate today were reported to be just absolutely fantastically ecstatic over the fact that difficulties in implementing health care reform have temporarily stopped millions of people from getting access to health care.  “We just could not be happier that poor people, children, the unemployed and other non-deserving leeches in our society are going to have to go without health care insurance and hopefully be denied health care entirely” an anonymous spokesperson for the group said.  “It just goes to show what we can do to people when we really set our mind to it.”

The group was reported to be especially pleased that while Republicans were primarily responsible for thwarting health care reform at every turn, it is the Democratic administration that is taking the blame.  “No one is paying attention to the fact that we are the ones that have put numerous roadblocks in the way of an effective implementation” said a member of the group, and “we are all laughing at how the press is so ignorant and lazy that they are reporting our spin instead of what is really happening."

Encouraged by this success Republican legislators have vowed to make the misery that low income families are suffering from the problems with health care insurance carry over to food and nutrition programs and home heating assistance.  The group suggested that they would have overwhelming success in getting contributions from the National Association of Greedy Billionaires and similar organizations once they had conclusive evidence that people were made hungry, cold and homeless by Republican policies.