Dear Kim

A Memo to the Great and Powerful Oz Leader of the North

You may be meeting with our President in May (or may not, the man's word is about as good as a Confederate War Bond), so here is some unasked for but valuable advice.

1. Do not run your fingers through his hair, as much as you might want to. We cannot guarantee the safety of any fingers that touch that hair and come into contact with whatever substance is in it.

2. If your wife or daughters if you have them are at all attractive do not let them alone with him. He is prone to grabbing their female parts, and we would be more specific if we knew what the terms for vagina and breasts were in your culture. Be forewarned, if he starts talking about pussy he is not talking about your cats.

3. Don't bother to get any agreements you might make in writing. He does not live up to agreements and putting them in writing does not make a difference to him.

4. If he invites you to his Mar-a-Lago hotel prepare to have the guests think you are a waiter. If so, do not serve alcohol to anyone under 21.

5. That person groveling behind him is our Vice President. Pay no attention to him, he is not important and does not ever do anything.

6. If a person named Jared is with him try not to laugh and do not ask him if this is 'Take your youngster to work day'. Jared may ask you for a loan to bail out his real estate deals, if you do be sure and get pretty good collateral.

7. Time is of the essence here. No one thinks Donnie will be in jail by summer, but you never know.

8. That double hamburger he is offering you is made from beef and beef like products. No, he does not know the recipe for the secret sauce. No one would give it to him because no one would trust him to keep it secret.

9. He will need to get Vladamir Putin's agreement on any arrangement he makes with you.

10. Don't worry about any nickname he may have for you. You would be amazed at what we call him here in the U. S. of A.